**Dis-Claymour**

THIS WEBSITE CONTAINS STUFF THAT SAD BASTARDS MIGHT FIND OFFENSIVE.

IF YOU LOVE BIG BROTHER, (and think it to be a TV show)

IF YOU LIVE FOR YOUR JOB,

IF YOU SEND E-MAILS TITLED ""FWD FW: REALLY FUNNY!"

IF YOU CRIED @ DIANA'S FUNERAL,

AND GRUMBLE @ THOSE WHO DON'T PAY THEIR TAXES,

IF YOU USE THE WORD OBESE INSTEAD OF FAT BASTARD, IF YOU THINK CIGARRETTES ARE A DIRTY AND DANGEROUS HABIT, IF YOU THINK DRINKING IS MORALLY WRONG OR THAT CLUBBING BABY SEALS WITH BOTTLES OF CIDER IS NOT A FUN WAY TO SPEND YOUR WEEKENDS THEN IT'S FOR THE BEST THAT YOU SOD OFF AND LEAVE MY LOVELY SITE WELL ALONE.

IF YOU USE PHRASES LIKE 'WHY CANT WE ALL GET ALONG?'

IF YOU HAVE THE WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE ON YOUR NOKIA FONE,

IF YOU OWN AN ENYA ALBUM,

IF YOU DRIVE A FORD FIESTA WITH A MAN U STICKER ON THE BACK AND A SMELLY PINE TREE DANGLING FROM YOUR MIRROR,

IF YOU FIND WORLD TRADE CENTRE JOKES HORRIBLY INAPPROPRATE

IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE SIMPLE FOLK WHO FIND CUSS WORDS AND SEX AND VIOLINCE AND DRUGS AND NEGATIVE OPINIONS (my opinions) ON RELIGION OR POLITICS & OTHER WHOLESOME TWADDLE OFFENSIVE THEN CLICK YER BACK BUTTON

NOW!

(AND STAY THE F**K AWAY FROM MY WEBSITE YOU PUSSY.)

NOW DO YOU STILL WANT TO ENTER SPACE EATERS INTERNATIONAL???

(small print.)

I SHOULD ALSO POINT OUT THAT AS FOR THE WEB PROVIDOR THEY PROBABLY DON'T CONDONE THIS DRIVEL EITHER,

JUST IN CASE THAT'S WHO'S READING THIS RIGHT NOW.

IF SO THEN HI THERE, I AIN'T DUN NUTHIN WRONG,

(I'D PLEED THE 1ST AMMENDMENT, if I knew what the hell it was.)